Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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