I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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