No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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