I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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