in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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