So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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