dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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