Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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