guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
