I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
now i know why i became what i already was.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
