i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
