At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
