i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Actions speak louder than pants.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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