Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
