i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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