im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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