Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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