Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
