That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
