one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
