Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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