I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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