....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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