oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
