I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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