Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
