you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
