you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
