Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So here I am, sexting at work.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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