Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
