Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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