That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
