I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
