Are we in a gay sports bar?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
