Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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