Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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