i permit you to call me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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