I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
