a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
