oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
