I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
