so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
