Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
