btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
