Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
