I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
