My brain says no but my pants say off.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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