Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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