Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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