friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
