he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
