Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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