We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
