Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
