I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
