Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
