Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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