Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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