We named our party play list daddy issues
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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