is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it was like eating out sand paper
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
