Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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