True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
