How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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