I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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