wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
