you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
