Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
