I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
