i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
