where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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