we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
