I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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