I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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