my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
